TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!
| 1 |
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
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| 2 |
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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| 3 |
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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| 4 |
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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| 5 |
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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| 6 |
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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| 7 |
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
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| 8 |
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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| 9 |
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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| 10 |
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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| 11 |
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
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| 12 |
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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| 13 |
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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| 14 |
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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| 15 |
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
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| 16 |
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
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| 17 |
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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| 18 |
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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| 19 |
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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| 20 |
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
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