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Saturday, May 21, 2016

Melanisms: "Infamous" Melanie Marquez Quotes!

Mimilanie "Melanie" Laurel Marquez-Lawyer(born 16 July 1964), is a Filipino actress, film producer, author and celebrity endorser. She is a former beauty queen and model from the Philippines who won the 1979 Miss International beauty pageant in Tokyo, Japan.
Her flawed, "fractured"  English has become her sort of trademark since she joined the Miss International pageant, where she uttered this now classic line, I wont change my legs 'coz I'm contented with my long legged."  

Note that Melanie earned her Bachelor's degree Cum Laude in Business Administration in 2006 at International Academy of Management and Economics.
Here are some of her "infamous" classic lines: 

> My brother is not a girl; he’s a gentleman.
 > That’s why I’m a success, it’s because I don’t middle in other people’s lives.
> Don’t judge my brother; he’s not a book.
> I won’t stoop down to my level.
> Hello? Bulag ka ba? Bingi ka ba? Are you dep?
> We are lovers, not fighters.
> Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the same.
> I don’t eat meat. I’m not a carnival.
> Sumasakit ang migraine ko.
> Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay!
> I keep my crown in the voltage.
> Can you repeat that for the second time around once more from the top?
> I couldn’t care a damn!
> What’s your next class before this?
> Hello, my brother Joey is out of town, would you like to wait?
> Don’t touch me not!
> You! you’re not a boy anymore! You’re a man anymore!
> Bakit ang dami mong tanong? You’re so questionable.
> You can fool me once, you can fool me twice, you can fool me thrice. But you can never fool me FOUR!

> Hindi ba kayo naawa sa kapatid ko…sa mga kwento nya? Di ba kayo na-PERSUAVE ng mga kwento niya? Hindi si Joey ang tipong mambubugbog ng babae…talaga lang malapit siya sa mga gulo…PRO-ACCIDENT kasi siya eh.

> Boy Abunda: O Melanie, paano na ang showbiz career mo ngayong magmo-Mormon ka na? Melanie: Ah okay lang ‘yon Boy, kasi matagal na rin akong SEMI-RETARDED.
They should talk behind the scene…

> (answering the phone) Hello. Wait a moment. Please hang yourself.
> (before Christmas) Well, I want to spend my holidays with my family most probably out of place.
> Why I will give my calling card, I’m not a call girl. (Her reply to a certain duke when the latter is asking for her calling card.)
> Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong taon sa inyong lahat. (During her acceptance speech at a Metro Filmfest awards night where her bioflick, directed by her late father Temyong Marquez, won an award.)

> Period na talaga; wala nang exclamation point. (When asked on S-Files if her present husband, Adam Lawyer, is her Mr. Right)
And the base of my observation is… (showbiz stripped May 14 GMA Ch. 7)

> At a talk show after her break-up with Derek Dee, Melanie was asked if she had some words for Derek’s mother (whom she partly blamed for the separation). “Oo nga,” said Melanie, “pero i-English-in ko para maintindihan niya.” She looked into the camera and, with the peremptoriness of royalty, said, “And to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you. Ang labo mo!“

> (While waiting backstage during a noontime show after watching Nikki Valdez do her dance number) Nikki, you’re so galing. You should go to the States. You will sell hotcakes!

> (While she’s in Morning Girls With Kris & Korina promoting her movie with Aleck Bovick) Please watch HIRAM starring Aleck Baldwin (referring to Aleck Bovick) and myself. It’s DIRECTOR by Romy Suzara.

> (After giving birth, and an interview on The Buzz) My answers have been prayered!

> (To ex-flame Senator Lito Lapid) Hello…Huwag kang tumahol sa sarili mong bakuran noh! (In response to being misunderstood) You know, huwag kang tumahol like dogs.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Chinese Doctor vs American Lawyer!

A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."
Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."
Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."
Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."
Chinese: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."
Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"
Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
You can't beat Chinese Doctors

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Funny for Guys Born Before 90s!

If you GET this and find it funny, you were probably born before the 1990s....!