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Thursday, September 27, 2012

USA Stereotype Map

'America In My Book' by Haley Nahman

This depicts a map of the USA based on silly stereotypes that any American is familiar with. Created through the eyes of a Californian, it reiterates what we already know: Florida is for old peeps, Oregon is filled with hipsters, Wisconsin makes cheese, and New Jersey is all about Snooki (ouch!).  Ignorant or mostly true? You decide. 

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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

TOP 100 funniest one-liners: 81 to 100

TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!
from onelinerz.net


from condenaststore.com
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

from crsd.org
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."

from crikeyboy.blogspot.com
Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

See Previous related post:

TOP 100 funniest one-liners: 61 to 80

TOP 100 funniest one-liners: 41 to 60

Saturday, September 22, 2012

'Topless Kate Middleton ' Commemorative Plate!

Own a piece of history! Captured forever on a Huffington Post UK Comedy's special commemorative plate is the latest scandal on the British Royal Family  when a French magazine published on 14 September 2012 the topless photos of the Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton:

  • Limited edition - only available in France
  • Can only be viewed through a long lens
  • Buy two, get a commemorative 
    'Prince Harry Naked In Las Vegas' plate FREE

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Monday, September 17, 2012

TOP 100 funniest one-liners: 61 to 80

TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!
from onelinerz.net

from smosh.com
We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
When in doubt, mumble.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

from tokiilab.com
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.

from crunkish.com

I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.


TOP 100 funniest one-liners: 81 to 100

See Previous related post:

TOP 100 funniest one-liners: 41 to 60

Friday, September 14, 2012

The World According to Israel

World According to Israel
from alphadesigner.com

Another one from alphadesigner.com  which is an off shoot of my other post from A Map of the World According to America by Brooke Dowd Sacco. Similar to my other post ("The World According to Americans- Mapping Stereotypes") and the "Asia According to Americans- Mapping Stereotypes", this map now takes shots particularly at ISRAEL from from an Israeli point of view. Courtesy of a project titled, “Mapping Stereotypes,” some of them are awfully mean, while others are only mean if you’re very sensitive and/or crazy patriotic. 

Relax....it is funny if you don't take too seriously.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Asia According to Americans- Mapping Stereotypes

from alphadesigner.com

Found this one again from alphadesigner.com  which is an off shoot of my other post from A Map of the World According to America by Brooke Dowd Sacco. Similar to my other post ("The World According to Americans- Mapping Stereotypes") this map now takes shots particularly at ASIA from an American (civilized world) point of view. Courtesy of a project titled, “Mapping Stereotypes,” some of them are awfully mean, while others are only mean if you’re very sensitive and/or crazy patriotic. 

Relax....it is funny if you don't take too seriously.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Presidential Jokes: George W. Bush

George W. Bush
“These stories about my intellectual capacity really get under my skin. You know, for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, ‘Intelligence Briefing.’”

”Thank you for your email. This Internet of yours is a wonderful invention.” —To Al Gore during the 2000 presidential campaign

“We’re studying safe levels for arsenic in drinking water. To base our decision on sound science, the scientists told us we needed to test the water glasses of about 3,000 people. Thank you for participating.” —At the 2001 Radio-Television Correspondents’ Association dinner

”The candidates are an interesting group, with diverse opinions — for tax cuts and against them, for NAFTA and against NAFTA, for the Patriot Act and against the Patriot Act, in favor of liberating Iraq and opposed to it. And that’s just one senator from Massachusetts.” —During the 2004 campaign against John Kerry.

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Worst Fake ID ever

from justsaypictures.com

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Funniest Tweets About the 2012 GOP Convention

Funniest Tweets About the GOP Convention
from politicalhumor.about.com

A selection of humorous Tweets about the 2012 Republican Convention from politicalhumor.about.com:
Mitt Romney joins his wife, Ann, after she addressed the Republican National Convention 
in Tampa on Tuesday. Photograph: Win Mcnamee/Getty Images
"Ann keeps saying Mitt makes her laugh. His sense of humor is more hidden than his offshore accounts and his tax returns." --Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff)

"I loved Ann Romney's speech. She totally articulated how important it is to working moms that millionaires pay less taxes." --John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang)
Paul Ryan
"Paul Ryan fears college students looking up at fading Obama posters. Yeah, cuz if Obama looked white, all your supporters would vote for him." -- Matt Goldich (@MattGoldich)

"Paul Ryan delivers fiery convention speech, and instantly creates thousands of jobs....for Democrat fact checkers." --Capitol Steps (@CapSteps)

"Before taking the stage, Paul Ryan spent 6 hours staring into a mirror working on 'concerned eyebrow.'" --Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey)

"How many times a day do you think Paul Ryan calls Mitt "Dad" by accident?" --Steven Amiri (@StevenAmiri)

"Paul Ryan looks like the car rental salesman who bullies you into getting full coverage." -Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey)
President Barack Obama

"Paul Ryan: 'Obama sucks because he didn't have a time machine he could use to save factories that closed before he was President.'" --Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker)

"Sarah Palin can see the Republican Convention from her television." --Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein)

"It makes sense that Republicans would flock to Tampa strip clubs. They love telling women what to do with their bodies." Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome)

"Our thoughts are with all the fact-checkers tonight." --Indecision (@indecision)

"Four years ago, the convention audience was just as excited about a VP candidate who has been banned from #RNC2012." --Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport)

"That VP debate is going to be a bloodbath. They say Paul Ryan has 6% body fat. I guarantee you Joe Biden has 8 between his ears." --Dennis Miller Show (@DennisDMZ)

"Fitting that the GOP is treating George W. Bush like that old coke buddy you don't invite to the baby shower." --Rachel Lichtman (@DJRotaryRachel)

"Paul Ryan is the guy Meg Ryan is engaged to when she meets her soulmate." --Mike DiCenzo @mikedicenzo

"Paul Ryan critcizing the stimulus is like Charlie Sheen criticizing the existence of hookers." --John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang)

"Condoleezza Rice doing better job reading her speech than she did reading 'Bin Laden Determined To Attack Inside USA' memo." --Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff)

"Tonight I hope Chris Christie explains why he thinks gay marriage would hurt his state more than Jersey Shore has." --Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport)

"Is Paul Ryan giving a speech or narrating an episode of "The Wonder Years"? --Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke)

"Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad." --Denis Leary (@denisleary)

"The people who say Obama blames Bush are spending 3 nights in Tampa blaming Obama for Bush." --John Fugelsang (@John Fugelsang)

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Funny Celebrity Tweets

A selection of some funny celebrity tweets from the dumpaday.com collection. Enjoy

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