from onelinerz.net
61
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We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
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62
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Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home,
even if you wish they were.
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63
|
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am
right.
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64
|
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to
live with.
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65
|
When in doubt, mumble.
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66
|
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be
devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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67
|
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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68
|
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
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69
|
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it
cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still
paying."
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70
|
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
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71
|
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
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72
|
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second
opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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73
|
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they
go.
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74
|
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
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75
|
I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't
die.
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76
|
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
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77
|
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my
ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
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78
|
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of
lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
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79
|
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
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80
|
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down
so they can't get away.
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