Here are a few of my favorites one liners from the net. I will not give credit to the sources as I have no idea actually who originally said many of them.
A waffle is like a pancake with syrup traps.
When it comes to charity, most people stop at nothing.
My grandfather had his tongue cut out during the war… but he never used to talk about it…
Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time
One day I was sitting in the park wondering to myself why frisbees seem to grow larger...then it hit me.
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.
I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
A priest is checking into a motel when he says “I do hope the porn channel in my room is disabled?” The receptionist says “No it’s just normal porn. You sick bastard”
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.