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Thursday, August 2, 2012

What Not To Say To A Police Officer

What Not To Say To A Police Officer

·       Would you hold my beer while I look for my license? (OK only in Texas)

·       You must have been going over 120 to keep up with me.

·       Sorry officer, my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

·       You’re not going to check in my trunk are you?

·       Can you come back in five minutes? I’m in the middle of a telephone conversation. (Especially in California)

·       Are you Andy or Barney?

·       Is it true that guys become cops because they can’t work at McDonalds?

·       Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

·       When the Officer says "Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer, your eyes look glazed; have you been eating doughnuts?"

·       I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

·       What? You need a license to drive?

·       Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.

·       I pay your salary!

·       Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail-light?

·       Whoops, that's the fake one... here you go; this is the real one.

·       My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal.

·       You're lucky this car needs a tune-up or you'd have never caught me.

·       In California we drive like that all the time, what's the problem?

·       I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

·       Well, those two other guys didn't stop for that school bus either.

·       There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.

·       What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alcohol.

·       You don't happen to have any beer in your car?

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